Doctor Psychobabble

I realized today as I was walking through the park (that’s when I have many of my realizations) that I feel pretty stupid. It’s now been almost one month since I’ve had a “job” (med school was my job) and other than reading the occasional journal article and some non-fiction “pleasure” books, I really haven’t otherwise been stimulating my brain. I haven’t had to think about how to diagnose or treat a patient. I haven’t had an exam to study for. I haven’t had a very good reason to really use my brain. And because of this, I have this secret fear that I might be becoming stupider (yes, stupider).

Originally, my plan for my 2.5 months away from the hospital was to study for and take the USMLE Step 3. However, as it turns out, the Step 3 is a very expensive exam, and since I have very little money to my name, I am not able to register to take it.

So, I must admit that I haven’t been studying, or otherwise challenging my brain in about one month. Because of this, I fear that I might be losing all of the medical knowledge, which I supposedly gathered in the past four years of medical school. If I were to be presented with a patient right now, would I know which questions to ask? Would I be able to perform an appropriate physical exam? Would I know which labs to run and imaging to perform? Would I be able to come up with a differential diagnosis? Would I be able to devise a proper treatment plan? Or would I just stare at the patient, completely dumbfounded? I am beginning to fear the latter.

I also just realized that this is the longest period of time I have been jobless and out of school. EVER. Well, at least since kindergarten. Other than “summer breaks” during elementary school, I think this is the longest period of time that I’ve had “nothing to do.” It feels incredibly strange. And I’m pretty sure that my brain is wilting.

I fear that I will never be able to retire. I simply need to have work to do. It is my nature. Thou shalt not deny thy nature.

Yes, I digress. But I guess that is the problem. I can’t believe that I am actually DYING to start residency. I’m sure that I will be feeling exactly the opposite in 1.5 months. I guess we shall have to wait and see!

Photos: The first one is of my graduation tickets in Madison Square Garden. Yay! The next 5 are my blossoming “urban garden,” hanging from the child safety bars on my windows.