Losing Friends Sucks

July 29, 2010, 6:40 pmDoctor Psychobabble6 comments

Purses for sale

So, I am dreadfully tired right now. I did have an awesome day at the hospital, and I learned so very much. But I finally heard back from a friend today, who I hadn’t heard from in a very long time. I wasn’t sure why she had not been responding to me for so very long. It turns out that she had felt neglected that I hadn’t been in contact with her, and had not been able to spend time with her during my week off from med school rotations back in April. It turns out that the reason that I had not been able to see her was because that was the week that I was terribly sick AND moving into my new apartment. In fact, that whole week was a blur because of cold medications. And it was followed by six weeks of LONG hours in pediatrics.

My point is that med school/residency/being a doctor can suck for some reasons. The biggest one that I can think of right now is that we never really know our schedules. Even when we think we do, they can change at the drop of a hat. We might have to stay late unexpectedly, or be called in to take care of things. And this can be very hard for our friends and family (and particularly our non-medical friends and family) to understand. To them, it feels like neglect. And I totally understand that.

I’m sort of ranting right now in a very fatigued state. But the point is that I feel much regret that I hurt my friend. But I feel even more regret to lose one of the best friends that I’ve ever had.

  • http://drhaisook.wordpress.com Dr Haisook

    I totally agree. I’ve had a hard time explaining this to my family, and I’ve been accused of being antisocial and conceited. They’re like, “Hey doctor, any chance we can see you soon?”, in a sarcastic way of course. I think they’ll never understand all the **** we go through, unfortunately.

  • http://ujun.blogspot.com/ Jun

    this is the sad reality that we pledged to live on the day we graduated from med school, and sometimes, it sucks not to be able to keep in touch with the ones you love. having said that, though, i feel that it also boils down to mutual understanding between loved ones. i may not understand what my friends do for a living, but when they cancel a catch-up at the last minute or if they haven’t been in touch for a long time owing to work-related reasons, i do empathise.

    nothing should come btwn friends, esp not work. i hope u work things out *hugs*

  • Your loving son,

    What I don’t get, though, is you’ve practically given up food, so it looks like you could give up sleep, and then you’d have nearly enough time for stuff. Plus that little time necklace thingy that Hermione Granger got from Dumbledore.

  • http://skavinger1984.wordpress.com/ skavinger

    don’t forget that I’m your nerdiest friend.

    every doctor needs a nerdy friend.

    like a zany sidekick-slash-hypochondriac.

  • http://www.jonpinoy.com Jon

    Things like this happen all the time unfortunately. It seems to me though that if your friends truly understood what you did and where you are coming from they would really not mind.

    I go to school abroad and can only spend around 1-2 months back home a year. When I finally get to see my friends back in the States, I’m lucky enough to feel like no time has passed since I’ve left to start vet school. They understand what I do and what my job is. And that’s all I can ask for.

    Bottom line is that although you might feel regret, you shouldn’t feel too down about it. With your line of work it’s hard to make time for yourself, let alone your friends. Of course you understand why they might feel this way, but the fact it, you’re busy. EXTREMELY busy. You’re a new doctor and have to work a lot. It’s your job. And the fact is you are enjoying what you do, which is great. People who are your friends need to understand that you just simply do not have a lot of time to hang out. You come home exhausted everyday from work and barely have anytime to relax and then you have to do the same thing pretty much every day. Then during your free time things like getting sick or moving might suddenly take it all up. But that’s life, especially in your line of work.

    So while it sucks today, it’ll suck less tomorrow. You still have a bunch of friends on which you can rely on, so just think about that. And if it makes you feel better, just know that you’re not alone. A lot of people in the medical field have gone through similar things, including me.

  • Shenae

    I’m sorry – I know the feeling. I’m not a doctor, but I recently became a full time stay at home Mom and my best friend can’t understand why I suddenly have less time for her (she doesn’t have kids). My “job” is literally 24/7, and I am exhausted every day. I don’t eat dinner until after baby goes to bed and I pump (most nights around 8:30 or 9:00 pm). By the time I finish dinner, it’s almost 10:00 pm. Then I get to have maybe one free hour (TV veg time) and then it’s more pumping and bedtime. I don’t have time to make phone calls every night!

    I have a friend that is in residency right now. I’ve known her since college – she is one of my best friends. I know she is busy, but I support her. I cherish the moments we have together, whether it’s a phone call every couple of weeks (or months) or a quick visit once a year. When we talk, even if it’s been a while, it’s like we can pick up where we left off. However, there are some friends that this doesn’t work for. Some people are needier. It sounds like your friend is one of them.

    My advice to you is to let her go. If she can’t support you, it’s not worth it. You have too much stress in your life. At the same time, if you really want to keep her as a friend, you could actually talk to her about this…just say you’re still friends but you don’t have the time like you used to…good luck.