Doctor Psychobabble

“I remember when I lost my mind.
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space.”
- Gnarls Barkley “Crazy” Lyrics

I know I keep saying this, but I really do have the best, and very strangest of jobs. I frequently wish I could wear a headcam all day long and post the video clip to my blog. But my HIPAA friends would not be very happy with that, so I am restricted.

Since I am tired (I just got home from an 8-mile run, after a long day at the hospital), I am going to share some random quotes and moments from today:

1. Quote from patient, “will you please pray to god to cast his vengeance against my neighbor who is working for the devil?” My response – “okay.”

2. I taught a psychotic patient how to “sign” the alphabet in American Sign Language.

3. I learned that I should bring packs of tissues to all family meetings.

4. I “re-directed” a manic and agitated patient by asking her to dance to Lady Gaga’s, “Poker Face” with me.

5. I was told that I look like a character from a video game by a patient.

6. I broke a hospital policy and bought a soda for a patient.

7. I purchased a pair of reading glasses for one of my patients. Also, technically against the rules.

8. I helped a patient do her laundry.

9. I convinced a patient to not urinate into a bedpan in the hallway.

10. Quote from a patient, “you know, I’m an MD too. I went to medical school with Sigmund Freud.”

Good night, all!

Photo: Taken on my walk to the hospital today. I heart trashy Brooklyn.

Part of My “Trash Talkin” Photo Series

Please check out my latest post on “The Ink Blot” at Medscape/WebMD to read the ethical dilemma, which I encounter so very frequently in psychiatry.

Click Here to View the Original Post on Medscape

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day.
~Friedrich Nietzsche

I’m so delirious right now, it’s not even funny. I have only napped for about an hour since Friday night. I was on call last night in the CPEP (psych ER) and had an activity (will share, eventually) today. I just got home. Reality seems not real. Everything is loose and backwards. I’m starving. Psychosis seems imminent. Time to pig out on Italian food (I’ve also barely eaten) and then maybe bubble bath, and then sleep.

Listening to “Light My Fire” from the Doors right now. Somehow, it’s capturing how I feel right now.

Come on baby light my fire.

Part of My “Yo Brooklyn, Fuhgeddaboudit” Photo Series

• Showing Gay Teenagers a Happy Future – NYTimes.com
  (tags: interesting)
• Minds on the Edge
  (tags: psych)

Please excuse me for a moment, while I release. Here is the journey that I’ve been on over the past few weeks, attempting to acquire stamps:

1. Ordered stamps from USPS.com, in order to save the “hassle” of having to go to the Post Office.

2. A few days later, received a “missed delivery” notice on my door from USPS.

3. Micah drives to PO to pick up the package. After waiting for 30 minutes, PO lady says “I can’t find your package, give me your phone number. He gives it to her, but it’s his DC cell phone number. She says, “that’s not a real phone number.” He insists that it is, over and over again. Eventually she says, “ok, we will call you when we find the package.”

4. Days later, no package, no call. I call USPS and request that they redeliver the package on a day when I would be home.

5. Days later, no package, I again request a redelivery.

6. Days later, no package, I again request a redelivery.

7. Days later, no package, I again request a redelivery.

8. I realize that the package is the stamps that I ordered. I call USPS and ask that they re-mail me the stamps, as I never received them. They do so.

9. Days later, I receive a “missed delivery” notice on my door.

10. Today, I go to the post office to get my stamps (DO YOU SEE THE CRUEL IRONY HERE??!!) The lady gets my package, and insists that I sign the notice. I don’t have a pen. I find the last pen in the PO, which has ink in it. I sign the slip and walk back to the lady. She says, “THAT is not a signature!! I can’t read it. Write your name instead.” I walk back to the other side of the PO. The last pen with ink now has no ink. I walk around the PO, accosting patrons until I find someone with a pen. I write my name on the slip. I walk back to the lady and hand her the slip. She looks at it disapprovingly. “I can barely read it,” she says. (At this point, I fantasize about dissecting her head off with a bone saw.) “Please give me my package, lady” I say instead. She hands it to me. I leave. I go home. I ponder googling how to make a bomb and taking it back to the PO. Instead, I put the stamps on my envelopes and have a beer.

USPS, you can definitely bite me!

(Thanks, I feel better now.)

I’m somewhat delirious at the moment, so please forgive my stream of consciousness post (as always).

I think today was officially a “music” day, and here are some reasons why:

1. During my walk to the hospital, I listed to “Stairway to Heaven.” Somehow, it mentally prepares me for my mentally and challenging work every day.

2. I was the “primary contact” person today for a particularly difficult patient. She almost “coded” today. But I took her pulse (it calmed her), danced with her, and played songs from my iPhone to lighten the mood. I am continually amazed at how creativity is the key to connecting with patients. (We ended up listening to “Bad Boys,” the theme song from Cops….long story….)

3. I listened to “Pony” on infinite repeat in order to motivate me to finish my presentation for tomorrow, do my laundry, and wash my dishes.

Music is the key to life. I’m sure of it.

Part of My “Trash Talkin” Photo Series

16-hour day. Post-call now. No photo today, sorry! Very psychotic patients today in the CPEP.

Best quotes from patients today:

“But seriously, off the record, I smoke weed like it’s my job.”

“You can dance, especially for a doctor.”

“Are you German? Because you don’t sing like one.”

And best one of all….when asked, why did you come to the hospital?

“Because I am crazy about purple music.”

Good night sweet world!!

Today was my first day back at the hospital after a wonderful 8 days off. As I walked through the unit’s locked doors, a patient who was unknown to me attempted to punch me in the face. Luckily, I have quick reflexes and was able to duck, just in time. Turns out that I had just walked into a “code” (a patient who has lost control). What a warm welcome back to the hospital!

I ended up having a great day and would share more (seriously, I promise). But I have to prepare for a presentation this Thursday on the “anti-psychiatry” movement.

Today I was able to calm that same patient down later in the day by turning on some music and dancing with her. Turns out she’s a great dancer. If only my unit were a constant dance party…she would be just fine!

Photo: Taken on my walk to the hospital.

Part of My “Trash Talkin” Photo Series

• Patient Voices – NYTimes.com
  (tags: interesting)
• Doctor and Patient – Teaching Doctors About Food and Diet – NYTimes.com
• Teaching Doctors To Be Better Listeners : NPR
  (tags: interesting)
• Despite Deeper Understanding Of Mental Illness, Stigma Lingers : Shots – Health News Blog : NPR
  (tags: interesting)

Just didn’t want to scare anyone. I’ve kind of dropped off the face of the earth. Been going to doctors and dentists and running errands and studying. Not a whole lot to share. But I will soon, scout’s honor. In the meantime, enjoy the above photo of the sexiest dog on the planet.