USPS, You Can Bite Me!
Please excuse me for a moment, while I release. Here is the journey that I’ve been on over the past few weeks, attempting to acquire stamps:
1. Ordered stamps from USPS.com, in order to save the “hassle” of having to go to the Post Office.
2. A few days later, received a “missed delivery” notice on my door from USPS.
3. Micah drives to PO to pick up the package. After waiting for 30 minutes, PO lady says “I can’t find your package, give me your phone number. He gives it to her, but it’s his DC cell phone number. She says, “that’s not a real phone number.” He insists that it is, over and over again. Eventually she says, “ok, we will call you when we find the package.”
4. Days later, no package, no call. I call USPS and request that they redeliver the package on a day when I would be home.
5. Days later, no package, I again request a redelivery.
6. Days later, no package, I again request a redelivery.
7. Days later, no package, I again request a redelivery.
8. I realize that the package is the stamps that I ordered. I call USPS and ask that they re-mail me the stamps, as I never received them. They do so.
9. Days later, I receive a “missed delivery” notice on my door.
10. Today, I go to the post office to get my stamps (DO YOU SEE THE CRUEL IRONY HERE??!!) The lady gets my package, and insists that I sign the notice. I don’t have a pen. I find the last pen in the PO, which has ink in it. I sign the slip and walk back to the lady. She says, “THAT is not a signature!! I can’t read it. Write your name instead.” I walk back to the other side of the PO. The last pen with ink now has no ink. I walk around the PO, accosting patrons until I find someone with a pen. I write my name on the slip. I walk back to the lady and hand her the slip. She looks at it disapprovingly. “I can barely read it,” she says. (At this point, I fantasize about dissecting her head off with a bone saw.) “Please give me my package, lady” I say instead. She hands it to me. I leave. I go home. I ponder googling how to make a bomb and taking it back to the PO. Instead, I put the stamps on my envelopes and have a beer.
USPS, you can definitely bite me!
(Thanks, I feel better now.)