What the Hell Am I Doing Here?

September 6, 2011, 7:31 pmDoctor Psychobabble4 comments

“I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here”

- Lyrics to “Creep” by Radiohead

Sold here

Had a fantabulous day at the hospital today on the adolescent boys inpatient psychiatry unit. I’m finding working with teenage boys to be a special type of challenge. As I mentioned before, I feel a sort of bond (countertransference much?) with my teenage patients. Their angst. Feeling like a weirdo. Not belonging. Finding yourself. These are things, which I can absolutely relate to.

A patient today attacked a staff member. I jumped in to help. The staff was very grateful to have my help, and apparently was surprised to see a doctor getting “into the mix.” I didn’t think twice, although it helped even more when I was able to order some meds.

It has been pouring rain all day today. I went for a run in the rain with my doggies after work. Kinda crazy, yes. But then again, I am a weirdo. I don’t belong. And I like finding myself. Funny how things change but stay the same.

Photo: Taken on my walk to work.

Part of My “Yo Brooklyn, Fuhgeddaboudit” Photo Series

  • Jon

    Waaaay back when I was a college freshman I wrote a paper on Hermann Hesse’s main characters as outsiders. I totally related to them . I didn’t fit in with the larger group of students, but rather a smaller group of off-beat types. Even as an adult (well, maybe someday) I still feel that way, but can act well enough to fit in to the more “normal” types of people. I still gravitate to the weirdos, though, as they are way more fun and entertaining.
    It’s interesting that you see what needs to be done and just do it (staff attack). That is a good thing.

    • http://doctorpsychobabble.com Dr. Psychobabble

      ditto to everything you said! As an “adult,” I’m just as “off-beat” and strange as I was when I was a teenager. The only thing that’s changed is that I now know how to “fake it until I make it.” And in addition, I know that it doesn’t make me any less cool to act “normal” when I need to. This is what I am trying to impress upon my awesome teenage boy patients!

  • Jon

    Waaaay back when I was a college freshman I wrote a paper on Hermann Hesse’s main characters as outsiders. I totally related to them . I didn’t fit in with the larger group of students, but rather a smaller group of off-beat types. Even as an adult (well, maybe someday) I still feel that way, but can act well enough to fit in to the more “normal” types of people. I still gravitate to the weirdos, though, as they are way more fun and entertaining.
    It’s interesting that you see what needs to be done and just do it (staff attack). That is a good thing.

    • http://doctorpsychobabble.com Dr. Psychobabble

      ditto to everything you said! As an “adult,” I’m just as “off-beat” and strange as I was when I was a teenager. The only thing that’s changed is that I now know how to “fake it until I make it.” And in addition, I know that it doesn’t make me any less cool to act “normal” when I need to. This is what I am trying to impress upon my awesome teenage boy patients!