Doctor Psychobabble

“Scar tissue that I wish you saw.
Sarcastic Mr. Know-It-All.
Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you cause with the birds I’ll share.”

- Lyrics to “Scar Tissue” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Went for an awesome 10+ mile run today over the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges. It was magnificent. I started a new rotation on the inpatient psychiatric unit on Friday. More on that to come….

Photo: Taken on my walk to the hospital a few days ago.

Part of My “Yo Brooklyn, Fuhgeddaboudit” Photo Series

“Thank you for the days, those endless days
Those sacred days you gave me
I’m thinking of the days
I won’t forget a single day believe me”

- Lyrics to “Days” by The Kinks

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a fabulous day. My fellow “psychos” were so sweet and wonderful to take me out to a fabu dinner last night. A huge shout out to Daniel, who arranged the whole event and gave me a fantabulous ring as a birthday present. Life would not be as sweet without all of you!

I was incredibly tired today since I stayed out a bit late last night for birfday celemabrations. However, I wanted to run after work. Had a conversation today about how the runs where you have the least motivation and energy turn out to be the best ones, because you feel like you surmounted something big. Today’s run was no exception. I ran through the falling snow. It was simply magical.

However, now I am a bit over-pooped. I have things, which I need to catch up on, but my bed is calling me. I’m hoping to catch up on my readings for class tomorrow. But first, I must feed my food-starved belly.

Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes! It is good to feel loved!

Photo: “Deflowered” taken on my walk home from the hospital today in the falling snow.

Part of My “Trash Talkin” Photo Series

“And for the few that only lend their ear, That few is all the world.”

- Samuel Daniel

I just got home from a somewhat long but definitely tiring day of work at the hospital on the psychiatry consultation liaison service. I feel as though lately I have a million awesome thoughts flying through my mind during the day but by the time I get home and sit down in front of my computer, I forget most of them. Since making lists always seems to inspire me, here is a random list of thoughts from this week:

1. I am happy to be walking to work again. I was forced to drive to work last month, and I think it destroyed a part of me. Hitting the pavement again makes me happy.

2. One of the attendings that I work with is simply too amazing to put into words. She’s brilliant and creative and never hesitates to dive headfirst into a deep philosophical conversation.

3. I love working with medical students and teaching. I’m lucky to have 2 med students with me this month. They keep me honest, keep me on my toes, and keep me thinking.

4. Psychiatry remains the coolest field out there. If only HIPAA weren’t in my way…I have SO MANY fascinating patient stories to share.

5. Cheap happy hour drinks with my fellow “psychos” is something wonderful to look forward to every week.

6. If I don’t run soon, I will implode. (Have been resting my injured ankle but hoping to give it a spin this weekend.)

7. Calming an agitated patient with words instead of medications is good for the patient, and the doctor.

8. I think my doggies get me better than any humans ever will.

9. The clothes don’t make the person, the person makes the clothes.

10. Sometimes I feel bad for using my blog to get things off of my chest. But the world makes for such a lovely bended ear.

I’m on call tomorrow, so it’s time for me to discover some leftovers in my fridge and subdue my brain with some non-intellectual Netflix watchin!

Photo: Taken a few doors down from my new office.

“It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.”

– Benjamin Franklin

I am home, post-call from the hospital. Christmas is over. I missed my family, but at least got to hang out with some good friends on Christmas Eve. However, on that same day I went for what was going to be a yummy 12-mile run. But less than half way into it, I had a spill and badly inverted my foot. I thought it might be broken so today I ordered an x-ray for myself. When I went to radiology to have the x-ray performed, the technician said, “where is the patient, doc?” And I smiled and said, “I am the patient!” Anyway, after encouraging the radiologist to read my x-ray in a hurry, he discovered that I actually had an old, healing fracture, but no new fracture related to my injury. Likely just a bad sprain. But it has certainly put a rain on my parade. And I will have to suck it up, be a good girl, and not run for a bit while it heals.

I was reminded today how good work is for the soul. I had gotten a touch of the blues from not working and missing my family. And then I had an awesomely busy day today. It again reminded me how much I love to work. And I had some fascinating cases, including a patient with severe PTSD with psychosis.

It is good to be needed and to work.

I just treated myself by ordering sushi delivery (hey, I have a sprained ankle, I deserve it!)

Time to eat and be grateful for my job.

Photo: “Couch Surfin” Taken on my hobble to the hospital this morning. Part of My “Trash Talkin” Photo Series

“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind

People stopping staring
I can’t see their faces
Only the shadows of their eyes

I’m going where the sun keeps shining
Thru’ the pouring rain
Going where the weather suits my clothes
Backing off of the North East wind
Sailing on summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone”

- Lyrics to “Everybody’s Talkin” by Harry Nilsson

Hello blog, I have missed you. I’ve been a busy bee lately.

I continue to enjoy my addiction psychiatry rotation. I continue to abhor the commute. I drive because it saves me tons of time, but I absolutely hate driving. I miss my walks. I miss my trash photography. I dread the stress involved with driving. I can’t help but think about how horrible for mental health driving is.

I went for a run around the park today after work. It uplifted me. I continue to run in shorts despite the frigid weather. Call me crazy, everyone else does. For some reason, people see me in my shorts and are compelled to “talk at me.” “Aren’t you cold?” they ask. Apparently they don’t realize that I’m not. The feeling of the cold air against my blood-infused legs inspires me and lifts me higher. It challenges me to go faster, run harder.

Lately, I have found myself missing “pure” psychiatric patients. Most of my patients don’t have an “Axis I” diagnosis, other than their substance abuse. And many of them have antisocial personality disorder. A challenging population to work with, indeed. More to come on that topic, soon. Promise.

For now, it’s leftover eating and study time!

Photo: “Door out of order.” Taken last week as I entered my subway station.

“Some people create with words, or with music, or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, “I’ve never seen anyone run like that before.” It’s more than just a race, it’s a style. It’s doing something better than anyone else. It’s being creative.”

- Steve Prefontaine

I woke up this morning and ran 17 miles. It was life altering. It’s more than a run. It’s a style.

Photo: Taken from the Manhattan Bridge during my 3 bridge run today.

Miles run: 15
Bridge crossings: 4
Borough changes: 5
Running on a Saturday with my two doggies in perfect weather: Priceless

“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.”
― Jack Kerouac

“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.”
― Jack Kerouac

I’m feeling particularly inspired by life right now. I am happy about accomplishing many of my aspirations in life:

- Find a job that inspires and challenges me every day: Check

- Experience living in New York City: Check

- Don’t yield to trends and fads and popular opinion: Check

- Kiss a dog every day: Check

However, I still have many things to aspire to:

- Change the world. (Working on it.)

- Live on a boat.

- Write a book.

- Learn to (skillfully) play the guitar.

- Inspire the masses.

It’s good to have things left to check off my list. Time for sushi din din. I am a blessed soul.

Photo: A view of Chinatown, taken on one of my runs.

“A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightning.”

- James Dickey

No motivation to write a lot. Have been thoroughly enjoying working with my adolescent boys. It has rained every day for I think at least a week, maybe more.

I was discussing the topic of time management and fitting things like exercise into your schedule with another resident today. I mentioned that although it has literally been pouring rain for the past 3 days when I’ve gotten home from work, I did not let this affect my running routine. I run, rain or shine. Yes, I did accidentally sacrifice my iPod nano to the rain gods. But rain does not kill me. And because it does not kill me, it makes me stronger.

Time to devour some sushi!

Photos: 1) A girl from my neighborhood with her awesome doggy donned in a rain slicker. 2) My fellow “psychos” enjoying a break between classes today.

“I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I’m not around
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here”

- Lyrics to “Creep” by Radiohead

Had a fantabulous day at the hospital today on the adolescent boys inpatient psychiatry unit. I’m finding working with teenage boys to be a special type of challenge. As I mentioned before, I feel a sort of bond (countertransference much?) with my teenage patients. Their angst. Feeling like a weirdo. Not belonging. Finding yourself. These are things, which I can absolutely relate to.

A patient today attacked a staff member. I jumped in to help. The staff was very grateful to have my help, and apparently was surprised to see a doctor getting “into the mix.” I didn’t think twice, although it helped even more when I was able to order some meds.

It has been pouring rain all day today. I went for a run in the rain with my doggies after work. Kinda crazy, yes. But then again, I am a weirdo. I don’t belong. And I like finding myself. Funny how things change but stay the same.

Photo: Taken on my walk to work.

Part of My “Yo Brooklyn, Fuhgeddaboudit” Photo Series